Dear blog,
Have you ever wondered how much it would hurt if someone close to you doesn't even think that you're pretty enough compared to her other friends? That someone close could always be your mother, grandmother, grandfather or whoever else it is that is very close to you...more like family related close kind.
Well, it just happened to me and it kind of hurt me. It felt like a slash across my heart. *sigh* Okay, here's the story but we shall keep the 'someone' anonymous....maybe name him/her, X. So...we were talking in the car about X's friends, about how pretty they were. And in actual fact, I mean in my opinion, I didn't think they were that pretty as X describes them. I've seen prettier ones like among my friends and all. So I just asked X, why is that X can consider them pretty and yet, X doesn't consider me? X's answered it in a really blunt way which really hurt me. I mean really, I know I'm not that good looking already but this....this really made it all worse. X said that I wasn't pretty...just average.
My point here, blog, is not about being the prettiest or the most beautiful. I'm not like the evil witch in Snow White. I felt hurt because of what X thought of me and it hurt more because X was family-related to me, someone very close to me and I expected him/her to see me as beautiful no matter what. You know how some boyfriends think that their girlfriends are always the most beautiful in their eyes no matter what? Yea...that's the kind of thing I want from a family member. It really doesn't matter what strangers think of you but if it is coming from someone you've been with for your whole life, it's just...well, painful and depressing.
Sometimes, I wonder to myself if I will ever appear pretty in X's eyes. But no matter how much weight I lost or how well I dress myself up, X doesn't seem to ever say that I am pretty. It's always the other side who's better than I am. I'm always the ugly duckling to X. I don't know if I really make any sense here, but I just felt like spilling it out. I cant keep it in my already cracked up heart. I guess...I guess it's always a tough world out there, even in your own family. Sometimes, no matter how hard you tried to please a person, it will never happen. So guess what bloggie, I'm going to please no one but myself from now on. Life is just too short to be someone else. This is me and this will be me forever. Changing myself just to get that one compliment from someone close is not worth it at all. I just got to start loving who I already am and improve to be better. Maybe then one day, that person will start looking back and tell himself/herself how stupid and blind he/she had been.
That's all for now. Goodnight, blog. I should give you a nickname...hmm...Bluo? Erza? I think Bluo sounds good for a blog. hahaha...goodnight then Bluo. Will update asap. =D
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