Dancing Alone

Chasing my dreams feels like I'm dancing alone in the dark and leaving my loved ones behind.

Hey again. I just need to vent this out. I've been feeling rather depressed and disturbed at heart lately. I guess it's got to have something to do with my transfer application. I have had a few disturbing dreams about this for a few days. It's rather annoying. I can't sleep well and I'm getting very nervous over it. The worst part is the WAITING! I'll only receive a friggin response by 12th December which is like what...after my exam results. =.=" Sigh...so much pressure...

And there's another thing that's bugging me lately. I've been assuming that I'll get accepted to Australia and the thing is...I've had this talk about leaving my family with my boyfriend. I cried alone like a crybaby after thinking about how I'll actually be leaving them if I do get accepted. So yea...this is really bugging me. What if I really get accepted? Will I be willing to leave my family behind? I mean studying abroad has always been my dream...my goal but leaving my family, best friends...that's like leaving my whole life behind. =(

Sooo...today, I told myself that I should leave this up to fate. If I do get accepted, then that's where I should be heading to. I shall chase after it and make my family proud. I'll make sure that I'll do great there and come back a better person. =) But if I don't get accepted...then I'll definitely be really depressed but there's always a reason for things to happen right? And if you look on the brighter side, it's a good thing too. It means I won't have to leave my family and I guess I'll just have to continue pursuing my dreams locally.

Sigh...but it's still bugging me either ways. *sobs* I don't like the feeling. I really feel like crying now and then. When I look at my family, when I eat with them and chat happily together like there's no ending, I just feel a pang of sadness. Am I really ready to leave them? But then again, when will I ever be ready if it's not now? Argh! The confusion...

*Sobs* I'm really in need of a warm hug now.

~Whispers~