The Book of Life

Bluo, you're a blog. I'm sure you have friends you've visited, right? Have they ever told you their owner's stories? Well, I'm not the sort who goes 'blog walking'. It's only today that I just had the urge to. I went to random blogs...even those of whom I do not know. Most of the blogs I read were practically strangers'.

What surprises me is that there are so many people in this world and they all have their lives. I mean of course (rolls eyes) they have their lives. But well...I've never realized how much things are going on out there. I'm mostly cooped up in my own tiny world. When I read those blogs, I just felt like there's just so much more outside there. There are people out there who seems to be enjoying life but are actually very depressed. It's like wearing a mask in a world so filled with lies until you really get to know that someone. And there are those who are purely happy and content with what they have. Some don't even know that what they have are very precious until the last minute.

The thing is, Bluo, the world's just such an amazing place. Every second, there's always something going on. Someone might be dying out there. Someone might be giving life to a newborn. Someone might have just fallen in love. Can you see what I am trying to say, Bluo? How captivating life can be when you actually think about it deeply. It's like as if an unknown author's writing a HUGE HUGE book...The Book of Life. A book that's telling the tale of a billion people...a billion characters with all sorts of personality, individually. And slowly, when they meet up by coincidence or destiny, the cycle of life forms.

A story of once upon a time has revealed for a very long time...

My Dear Angel

Hello again, Bluo! Missed me? haha...I'm kinda bored right now but I just have this itch to write a poem. It's been a long time since I wrote one. I remember those poems I used to write were all so depressing. Now...I don't know. It's not depressing anymore...maybe some. Most of it are just about love or life. Could it be that one person could change how you feel or that a person just basically changes as times go by? Hmmm...I wonder. Haha...

Here's a poem I thought of.

My Dear Angel
- Carissa L. -

My dear angel
Life here is not but a scary place
Monsters awaits by day
Loneliness awaits by night

Dear angel
I ask nothing more but a globe of light
A light that shines away monsters
A light that defeats away loneliness with love

I ask nothing more but memories
Memories of you
Just so your presence is strong by me
Even when I'm sound asleep

My dear angel
Please stay with me
Until my road ends
For I have a confession I long to tell
'I love you.....angel'

Something Different This Year

Sup Bluo! Sorry I haven't written to you lately. Haven't had any inspiration but today I just had something I needed to share. =)

Well, I was driving home earlier on and I had this sudden flashback about a HUGE christmas tree I saw in Sunway Giza. I call it the Donation Christmas Tree. Hehe...it's basically decorated with orphans' christmas wishes. And then I had this crazy idea about my own christmas present.

Lets see...where should I start. Okay. You see Bluo, I'm really crazy about presents especially when it comes to Christmas. It's the best celebration of the year! Haha...But this year, I thought I should do something different since I have almost everything. I thought of giving other children the opportunity to get something they wished for...the opportunity to feel happy during Christmas Day and the opportunity to feel that others do care for them in this world.

When I was driving, I just felt this sort of sadness when I thought of the orphans who have no family to celebrate with and on top of that, they had no chance of receiving presents like most of us children do. Isn't it sad to know that while you're happily ripping off present papers with your family by your side, there are children out there who are spending their christmas day all alone? Isn't it sad that while you're here believing in Santa Claus and hoping for him to present you with all kinds of cool toys and gadgets...there are children out there, staring out into the night sky and praying to God for a family or someone to love. It's just a sad thing, Bluo.

Back to the Donation Christmas Tree in Sunway Giza, I remembered handpicking one of this orphan. He's a boy...I can't really remember what age. Probably around 12 or so. And guess what's his Christmas wish? He wished only to have a pair of pants. I know it may seem nothing but how many of you out there who actually wished for a pair of pants as your Christmas present? I'm pretty sure that most of you craved for something more like a Barbie doll or err...I don't know..handphones or any cool stuff like that, right? So yea...I've come to a decision of getting myself something too during this Christmas. My Christmas wish this year would be to fulfill at least one orphan's wish..I want to give my opportunity of receiving presents to someone else who hadn't the chance in a long, long time.

Making someone else happy in ways that you can never believe is just so much like a miracle. It's a Christmas Miracle! Sometimes, others happiness, can be your happiness too. Knowing that I will be able to transform a sad face into a happy one...even for a moment, would make my Christmas the most memorable one of all!

Well then, Bluo. Just thought of sharing what I wanted to do this Christmas. Hahaha...MERRY CHRISTMAS!! =D

Sacrifice

Goals...

Rejection...

Confusion...

Ever felt such feelings? Ever felt that you've always wanted to achieve something and that something is just right there waiting for you? Yet, it's a million miles away. Choices are always your obstacles.

Bluo, someone once told me, 'To be the best, you always have to think the best'. Someone I know have been facing some problems. She had this goal to do something different this year. To earn her own life...to not take instructions from others. But then again, obstacles...choices. They'll always stand in the way huh? I guess that's why life is never a bed of roses. You can't just pick up a little fairy and wish for all the things you want. This isn't a fairytale! This is REALITY!!!

Life is all about choices. And some choices you make may take you to the wrong end of the world while others may bring you joy and happiness. Suppose you have a goal to give your every effort into a big company who gives you a good pay and that you have to decide whether to take it or not. What would you do? Would you consider only yourself or the people you love? Would you be so selfish as to neglect the people you love or would you be so useless to give up your goal? Which would you choose then?

Well, my friend chose to be useless. She chose to give up her own goal for the people she love. Whether it is a good or bad decision she made, it's based on different opinions. Every individual has their own thoughts and desire. But her desire in this case was her family. To be with them during her limited time she has over here. To create better memories before she leaves to some other place. And despite her depression of rejecting a good offer to earn big bucks, family comes first. Nothing beats family. They're always our biggest joy and happiness no matter where you are.

They are my home...

Soaring into the World

Helloooo Bluo!!!

It's been so long...Anyways, I heard this song on the radio and I found the lyrics really inspiring. Here it is:



Bluo, you know how it's funny that when I heard this song, I could relate those lyrics with someone's life. Someone I know...someone who's very very...close. She has always been living inside a box. That tiny box cooped up by rules and regulations...not allowing her to break it. It's like they're chains of words that locks her up. Keeps her from the sunshine. And even though she may be living in a comfortable box, it's like a prison of illusions. She used to be a really innocent girl with such innocent mind. But as she grows older, like every other kid out there, she began to feel curious and the need to find who she really is. But how can she do it within her so very small box?

Sometimes, I really wonder if she knows that there's so much more outside her tiny box. That there's a whole bigger life with all kinds of people, both good and bad. And experiences which could make her a wiser person.

Every time she tries to break free, there's just something stopping her. And when I look at her in the mirror, I could just see those sad sad eyes. I could understand how she feels...how she just wish to smell the flowers, to feel the sun upon her skin...to try doing all the impossibles.

In my dreams, she sometimes comes to me, telling me how much she wants to soar. Maybe that's one of the reason why she loves looking out into the sky with birds soaring ever so freely. Perhaps one day, she would be soaring just as those birds were...one day...

Ugly in the Eyes of Someone Close

Dear blog,

Have you ever wondered how much it would hurt if someone close to you doesn't even think that you're pretty enough compared to her other friends? That someone close could always be your mother, grandmother, grandfather or whoever else it is that is very close to you...more like family related close kind.

Well, it just happened to me and it kind of hurt me. It felt like a slash across my heart. *sigh* Okay, here's the story but we shall keep the 'someone' anonymous....maybe name him/her, X. So...we were talking in the car about X's friends, about how pretty they were. And in actual fact, I mean in my opinion, I didn't think they were that pretty as X describes them. I've seen prettier ones like among my friends and all. So I just asked X, why is that X can consider them pretty and yet, X doesn't consider me? X's answered it in a really blunt way which really hurt me. I mean really, I know I'm not that good looking already but this....this really made it all worse. X said that I wasn't pretty...just average.

My point here, blog, is not about being the prettiest or the most beautiful. I'm not like the evil witch in Snow White. I felt hurt because of what X thought of me and it hurt more because X was family-related to me, someone very close to me and I expected him/her to see me as beautiful no matter what. You know how some boyfriends think that their girlfriends are always the most beautiful in their eyes no matter what? Yea...that's the kind of thing I want from a family member. It really doesn't matter what strangers think of you but if it is coming from someone you've been with for your whole life, it's just...well, painful and depressing.

Sometimes, I wonder to myself if I will ever appear pretty in X's eyes. But no matter how much weight I lost or how well I dress myself up, X doesn't seem to ever say that I am pretty. It's always the other side who's better than I am. I'm always the ugly duckling to X. I don't know if I really make any sense here, but I just felt like spilling it out. I cant keep it in my already cracked up heart. I guess...I guess it's always a tough world out there, even in your own family. Sometimes, no matter how hard you tried to please a person, it will never happen. So guess what bloggie, I'm going to please no one but myself from now on. Life is just too short to be someone else. This is me and this will be me forever. Changing myself just to get that one compliment from someone close is not worth it at all. I just got to start loving who I already am and improve to be better. Maybe then one day, that person will start looking back and tell himself/herself how stupid and blind he/she had been.

That's all for now. Goodnight, blog. I should give you a nickname...hmm...Bluo? Erza? I think Bluo sounds good for a blog. hahaha...goodnight then Bluo. Will update asap. =D

Come and Go

My dear blog,
My maid who've been working for my family for 3 years has just left a few days ago. It's rather depressing and it got me thinking for awhile, that this is actually what happens in life. People come and go. Some people are here in your life...and I mean MOST people. Then the next thing you know, poof! They disappear. They're just gone....like as if they were never there in your life. They may be a good friend of yours at one point and when they're leaving to another world, they'll turn into another passer by who just stayed for awhile to linger around you. It hurts really bad at times. I've felt it a few times and it makes it difficult for me to get closer to someone. It's the fear of letting them go at the end that makes it so hard. Don't you just feel like holding on to them? Making them yours forever? Sometimes, I really wish there's an invisible string that could tie them to me...but that would be unfair. They have their own life to live up to. That's how life is I suppose. You're meant to fall and you're meant to rise.

I run and I run and I run
Through the speed I see
Faces of familiarity and such
But the thought of them...it hurts

Goodbyes are usually the end
A single tear shall shed no more
For this is the end
And always the end

As time goes by
Our eyes may once meet again
But will it ever be the same?
That only the future reveals