Deeper

You see not the letters spelled
But the meaning formed
You read not the words
But the story that lies within

You love not what your eyes can see
But for what your heart can feel
You touch not the skin of others
But the soul of the one

You listen not to the sounds of everywhere
But look deeper and beyond
And reveal what truth that has been hidden
And take it as your own for the ever after

Stamping This Day! =D

Hey there Bluo! Today's the best day I had with my dear boyfriend so far. ^_^ I mean not that other times weren't fun but today was just...I don't know. It's just something different instead of always heading to the malls. I really prefer nature than malls. Maybe that's why it's really something today. HAHAHAHA! Anyways, we had ice-cream to start off with. Hehehe...really nice ones too. It's my personal favourite at 100 Yen. It's basically ice with flavouring. I ABSOLUTELY love coffee flavour! It's not too sweet nor is it too bitter. Just nice. My boyfriend chose the one I recommended, peanut. That's not bad either. Good thing he likes it too. LOL!

Haa...because today's something I don't want to forget, I just thought of stamping this post on my blog...just so I can remember this awesome day in the future. Hehehe... So so so!! After the so-called ice-cream, we went to buy dinner for his family. Unfortunately for him, the shop hasn't started cooking which was really funny. I mean his expression seemed to say, 'What?! NO FOOD?!'. Hahaha! I couldn't help it and started giggling in front of the waiter. >.<

Okay okay...moving on. We went to the park just to chill around for awhile. Love the park especially during such a nice windy weather. Just nice for a chill out. Hahaha...we camwhored like mad over there with his iphone. I was the one taking charge of the phone, you see. I think the aunties and uncles there probably thought I've never held an iphone before. LOL! But honestly, I don't even own one myself...that's why I get so excited holding one.

Guess that's all for the day. I know it's nothing much. It's not like a candlelight dinner or anything luxurious. Just a simple outing but it's always the best when all it takes to make an outing the best is the presence of simple, sincere love from both sides. ^_^ Just the best...

I Miss Him

Today's just great. I've cried more than twice in a row. Oh, but it's not like what you think. I cried because of a movie my boyfriend brought me to watch. LOL! It's a really good movie to watch...especially for all those grown ups who don't seem to understand their own parents just because they're too caught up with work. Okay. So, this movie is based in Malaysia...not bad for Malaysians! Woohoo!! It's about the life of families...old people who misses their all-grown up children and only to find that they do not give a damn about them. It's a really touching movie. The title's '天天好天'. Oh! But don't worry. It's also a comedy show which really portraits the reality of life in families.

Come to think of it, I know now why I cried for about 3 to 4 times during that movie. *Sigh* I cried because it reminded me of my grandparents especially my grandfather who had passed away a few years ago. His death really affected me for a couple of months. I even dreamt of him as an angel who came down to just see how everyone's doing. And although I haven't much memory of him, I have this feeling that he was a great man to both his wife and children...and then to his grandchildren. Sadly, he died of Alzheimer and Parkinson disease. *Sigh* I remember how he'd use to play with us...but that was a vague memory. I remember how he used to show me his tongue. LOL! He knew how to shape his tongue into some err...squarish sort of shape, if you get what I mean. I don't remember his voice or his laughter but I remember his face when it lits up. However, it's weird to know that my sweetest memory of him was on the day we brought him back from the nursing home. Back then, he was having Alzheimer and could barely remember anything...maybe just a little but that would take up a lot of time to make him recall. I remembered how my brother and I used to tease him by making him repeating the words we said. Well, of course we didn't make him say bad words, just simple words like chocolate and etc. And as he repeated each word we said, he'll start laughing and giggling there at the back of the car seat which made everyone of us in the car laugh along with him. I wonder...how could a very ill old man make everyone laugh with such joy? Perhaps it's his cheerful face despite all those pain he's enduring deep down. Perhaps it's the way his sincere lips which curves upwards ever so happily.

There was another memory of him whereby my whole relatives went to the nursing home just to give my grandfather a surprise birthday party. I saw his condition...he laid on the bed, wearing pampers like a big baby and his hands would shake so much...Why throw him a birthday party when he has no memory of who these people around him are? Why? Because it's the only last thing we could all do for him before he goes. It's because we just want to see him laugh happily for the last time even though we know he would never remember that moment the next day.

On the day he died, I remember the ceremony ever so clearly until today. It's the last memory I had of my grandfather. I saw him dressed up nicely in a tuxedo and was placed in a casket with his hands folded nicely on his chest. His face so pale but yet in peace. I could see his slight smile carved on that wrinkled, kind face. At least we all know that he passed away happily. No more pain...no more loneliness. I could still remember myself drawing him a small card just so i could throw it into his grave before they cover up his casket with soil. And I remember my mum telling me not to turn my head back facing the grave once we're on the bus. We were suppose to look forward and not look back once we leave my grandfather's grave because in the Chinese tradition, the soul of the person would be able to go to heaven in peace if we don't look back. At that moment when the bus started it's engine, I tried so badly not to look back despite the fact that I wanted to just look one last time...not that I could see him ever again but it's the comfort of imagining him waving goodbye to us that would have probably made me feel better. But I obeyed my mum...I didn't look back because I also wanted him leave to heaven peacefully and with no hesitations. Honestly, I don't know if what my mum says is true but it's for the best.

A few weeks after his passing, I had a dream about him as I have mentioned above. He came in my dream and mentioned all my relative's name. They were all in my dream including me. He looked like an angel guarding us. In my dream, I remember that he spoke to each of us one by one, telling us not to worry...giving us comfort and making sure that we're all alright over here. But that was just a dream...or it could be a message from him from above. All in all, my grandfather was a lovable person and a good man. He'll always stay in my memories. He'll always be my dearest grandfather no matter what! I miss you, Tata (Grandpa).

Magnet of Love

Here's the thing, Bluo. I was just watching this movie on Youtube, 'Beauty and the Briefcase' starring Hilary Duff. It's about a woman who's finding for her 'magic man' aka dream man or in better words, true love. She was in secret, an undercover writer for a fashion magazine company. They hired her to do a write up about falling in love in the business world. So, she ended up working in this financing company which was filled with men...a dream of every women in search for her 'magic man'. LOL! Oh! I forgotten to mention that she had this checklist for the man of her dreams. It's like her policy or something for her man to pass everything on her checklist such as being spontaneous, sexy accent, etc. So, she's been on A LOT of dates but those men passes a 3 out of 10 on her checklist. Finally, she found one who has a total of 0/10. And she thought, well she thought he was definitely not the one until she came to realize that there was a pattern and he ended up being her 'magic man'. Isn't that a surprise? Someone who does not live up to her checklist at all turns out to be her one and only true love.

In fact, it's not a surprise at all. When I watched the ending, I was kind of impressed. I mean really, if you actually observe most of the couples now, they are practically the opposite of each other. The woman likes something and the guy likes something else. You know how a magnet works? An attraction only lives up when there's two opposite sides facing each other. I think it applies to a relationship as well. Being the opposite of your soul mate isn't exactly the worse thing in your life. There are people out there whom I know are looking for 'chemistry' or 'sparks' in their love life. But being the total opposite of each other can be your true 'chemistry' or 'sparks'. Imagine learning so much from the person who's the exact opposite of you. You may not have likes whatever he/she does but when you begin to learn and experience it with them, it'll become a liking and you'll start to enjoy it. Being different from him/her creates a lifetime learning from each other and it'll feel like a fresh relationship which will never bore you. There's just so many things you can learn from the person whom is the exact opposite of you. Just look at it in the positive direction and you'll find that being with someone who's not you, is just so refreshing and enlightening.

That's all for now, Bluo. I just wanted to share my thoughts while it's still fresh in my head. Hehehe...Goodnight now. Sweet dreams.

Music Within My Life

Close your eyes. Can you listen to that right now? That beautiful song playing at the background...whether you're in the car, listening to your ipod or doing anything with music at the background. Can you actually listen to the words within those melody?

My dear Bluo, I'm the sort of person who's very passionate about musics. My love for music is a different kind. I don't play it and neither can I sing. But music's practically my life in magical ways. Wherever I go, there must be music. When I wake up in the morning, I'd put on my earphones and listen to the songs while looking out my window. Just enjoying the wonderful mixture of music and nature. When I drive or do some other stuff, I'd listen to it too. When I sleep, I'd listen to it until I fall asleep. All I want is music in my head. It soothes me. It changes me.

You see Bluo, music's a mystery to me. They have lyrics which are words that contains so much more than just words. They live within the music. I'd listen carefully to those dancing words because they're like teachers. They teach you about love, life, wisdom...etc. I know not many people has the patience or time to actually listen to the lyrics. But if everyone could just listen...oh, there's just so much you'll ever learn. Here's some really nice quotes from a few songs I've listened to recently:

Would you dare, would you dare to believe that you still have a reason to sing?
-Before the Morning by Josh Wilson-

Don't be afraid to standout!
-The Lost Get Found by Britt Nicole-

Love never fails you.
-Love Never Fails by Brandon Heath-

I need more than truth to believe. I need a truth that lives, moves and breathe to sweep me off my feet.
-More Like Falling In Love by Jason Gray-

You can walk on water too.
-Walk On Water by Britt Nicole-

I know you may think they're just common words but if you really try to understand these sentences...they're just so so so much more than just simple alphabets that form words.

Bluo, some people think that I'm just nuts, wasting time listening to songs and depending on them to teach me. But the truth is, without them, I'd never have the chance to learn and think about my life. I'd never have the opportunity to be who I am today. My life has changed gradually every time I listen to a new song with new meanings yet to be unveiled.

Music lives within the life of every human...

Should I, Should I Not?

So Bluo, someone offered me this part time job at her office but I'm having some problems deciding whether or not to take it. There's just some things I can't get along with. For instance, I don't really like the idea working under her...I mean no offence, but she's actually my mum. >.< What happens if I do something wrong and then she'll get all mad. In the end, we'll end up arguing. It happened before and that's why I decided not to work for her again. Just didn't want to spoil our mother-daughter relationship.

Well...there's another reason I'm having contemplations working for her. =S I honestly don't like her staff. It's not that I don't like, it's just that I find it hard getting along with them. They're always talking about guys and you know....'adult' stuff. Not my cup of tea.

On the other hand, I SORT OF want to work. I'm bored lingering around at home like a dead zombie. =.=" It's getting REALLY boring over here! I need to earn some money and hopefully it'll be enough to get me an iphone! Wooohooo!!! Ok ok...can't get too excited yet. Hmm...should I work for her? Were those excuses I gave valid enough for me not to work? Maybe I should try getting along with her staff and try doing my best. But I really don't want to end up arguing with my mum! Oh gods! How?! What should I do??? She really needs a replacement fast since one of her staff suddenly decided not to work. How irresponsible. =.=" Anyways, should I or should I not?

Someone please advice! =D

Just Random

Hey ya, Bluo! I'm really tired now. Just got back from the gym. Man, was it hard stepping into the gym! LOL! Well, honestly Bluo, I don't exercise much but I guess I had a change of mind this year. Got to really fight these fats off! Hmm...the gym's not a very bad place actually. I think it's a good place to boost your exercising spirit up. Hahaha...I was pretty pressurized when the people in there started jogging on treadmills like they're freakin marathon runners. =.=" I got to do something or I'll be a laughing stock. Anyways, I would want to go back to the gym again. I feel really fresh after that. Hahaha...

Anyways, I came across this song my brother so happened to share with me. It's 'Science and Faith' by the Script. It's not bad actually. I kinda like their lyrics. It has meaning in it. I love their chorus and I shall dedicate this to my boyfriend. =D

"You won't find faith or hope down the telescope.
You won't find hearts and souls in the stars.
You can breakdown anything into chemicals.
But you can't explain this love of ours.
It's the way we feel.
This is real. " - The Script
*hearts*

It's nice isn't it, Bluo? Haa...Anyways, I'm starting to get bored. Hmm...maybe that's why I've resorted to exercising. You know, I'm hoping that by the end of this year, I'll get to wear a really nice, striking red dress. Hehe...I've been trying to search for a nice one but I still can't find one. How depressing. But here's a few I googled and found it not too bad. =D

This one's not bad. =D

This is better! Woohoo!

Noticed how hot she is? Haa...*daydreams*

Baby Steps to Your Dreams...Broken.

You strive and you believed. You made plans for your own future. You had dreams and you tried to make it happen. And the worse thing that could ever happen is when all those dreams...were put to waste all because someone in authority didn't like something about it. It sounds confusing huh? I'm really depressed, Bluo.

Bluo, you know how much I dream. I've always had dreams and goals. Yes, I admit. I'm a dreamer. I dream almost every day and that's because those are the dreams I want to reach. And you know what's my ultimate dream all these years? I've always dreamt of going abroad to continue my studies. I've always wanted to get out of here...start a new life, be independent...create my own identity in some stranger's country. I was looking for challenges, looking for a whole new beginning and now, all those just came crashing down this morning.

You see Bluo, I've already had this dream since I entered high school. At first, I dreamt of going to UK. But when I figured what sort of course I planned to do, I've limited myself to Australia all because of Monash. They have the course I wanted to pursue. In fact, they were the only university that offered that course. And since I already knew what I want, I took the risk pursuing this course. My whole dreams depended on this small step...this small step could have changed my whole future. I guess it did after all. This morning when I checked, I found out that my course had been removed from the university itself. No one informed me...I had to find it out myself. What happened if I hadn't knew? What would happen then?

Anyways, my point is, when they removed my course from the university, that means I would have to finish mine locally since I'm the last batch. I won't even have a chance to take my honours as I have always dreamt of. How could they do such thing? How could they just steal one's dream just like that? Is this fair?

Bluo, the world's a cruel place..it always is. Now, I just feel lost and uncertain. I'm a person who knows what I want but now I just don't know what to want anymore. There's no goal...no dreams. I guess I'll just have to look deeper. I still have to stay positive no matter how deep down I've fallen, right? I believe everything happens for a reason. I just got to move on and never lose opportunities again. It's no point sulking now. Whoever said life is fair?

Nature

Can you feel that breeze brushing against your cheeks ever so softly? Can you feel the wonderful love of mother nature in the evening as the sun begins to set. The yellow-orangy colour of the sky. It's just such a magnificent sight as I stare out into the window.

Here's a poem I though of randomly. =D

Nature
Carissa L.

Whispers of nature at your ears
The subtle touch of wind fills your heart
Listen to the song of everlasting
What do you hear?

Close your eyes
Learn to watch the stars in the dark
Learn to touch the moving air with emotions
Dance with all that you feel

As you sit there under the rain
Listen to the pitter patter
Can you hear their soft words of nature?
Can you feel their cold, calming touch on your face?

Smell nature as sweet honey
Watch nature as a beauty
Touch nature as a fragile baby
Love nature for their craving love