Day 3 in Vietnam

Right now, it's 6 pm over here in Vietnam. I'm back early to the hotel today. Yay! Thank god it's the last day. I'm seriously dead tired and what with my sudden fever and cough. How depressing...couldn't even go shopping with my usual shopping spirit.

Okay. Enough of the babbling. Bluo, I know you're no human but I wonder if you've gone into any small, puny tunnels before. Yea. We went to the 'Cu Chi Tunnels' today. It's supposedly made by the Vietnamese soldiers during the war with the Americans...if I'm not mistaken. LOL! My dad actually crawled into one of the tunnels dug underground. My mum and I started to freak out after a few minutes because it took him some time to come out through the other hole. =.=" He said it was really dark and small. I guess he practically crawled in there since his hair and t-shirt were decorated with dirt and leaves. Hahaha...

That one was a smaller tunnel. The one all tourists are allowed to crawl in isn't an original tunnel. It was bigger just so it could fit all tourists sizes. I wanted so much to go in but the minute i saw the actual tunnel size, I chickened out. =.=" Don't you dare laugh! I have a phobia of small areas okay. It's not funny when you begin to find it hard to breathe. In conclusion, I didn't get to crawl in. It's depressing. *sobs*

Anyways, it was a half day trip. We went back and my mum wanted to go shopping again. How typical of a woman. But I'm no different too. LOL! I'm sick and still...I tagged along since I wanted to get a freaking hat so badly and possibly a red dress since Vietnam sells loads of red dresses. Fyi, they have nice red dresses. Sadly, I couldn't even last an hour and got all worn out. I probably looked like a zombie trying to stand still. Oh! Remember I mentioned how crazy the people are on the road? Yea...it's even worse when you're walking on the road and trying to cross to the other side. There's no traffic light and cars, vans and whatever vehicle out there are practically driving in all direction. The motorbikes are the worst since they cover up almost the whole population of the other vehicles!

Well, that's all for now. I'm going back tomorrow! Woohoo!! Home sweet home, babeh!

Day 2 in Vietnam

Wassup Bluo! It's 11.30 pm over here in Vietnam and I'm dead tired. I just got to blog this out before I head to the bed.

So...we were suppose to go to the 'Mekong Delta' today. Had to meet up at the tour office at like 7 am! I was forced to wake up at 5.30 am. T.T My slumber sleep....gone...And the worst thing was that the bus was suppose to reach at 7.45 am but it came an hour late! The place was really crowded and polluted. Someone should have warned me to bring a freakin mask. =.="

Our tour guide was rather funny though. He made some jokes just to make us feel more welcomed I guess. Everyone in the bus were sort of dead until the tour guide spoke. LOL! Lets see if I can remember any of his jokes. Oh oh! Here's one:

Guide: Do you know what they say about an old man who marries a young girl?

Tourists: *wonders*

Guide: An old bull which eats the green grass!

Funny? No?? I know...it's kinda lame when I say it. =.=" But seriously, he was funny. You need to see his expression when he said it...and not to forget his vietnamese accent. It's hilarious.

Okay..enough of that. So during the whole trip there, we visited the erm...village? We saw how they made rice crackers, coconut candy and honey. Oh and there were pythons over there! I had it around my neck. =D What a surprise huh? LOL! Want to know how it feels like having a python around your neck? Hmm...I don't really know how to express because I NEVER touched it, bongo! hahaha...I wouldn't even dare go an inch near that thing. =.= It's not poisonous though. The people there would kill it for their skin which is used to make purse and belts. Whereas, their fats are used to erm...I can't remember. I drank honey tea (green tea + honey + lime). Really awesome! I think I'll go home and try that out. =D What else? Hmm...nothing much otherwise. Just a huge river throughout.

Ok mum's rushing me now. We're all fighting over my dad's laptop. Hahaha...Ok Ok. Speed up time! After that trip, we took another 3 hours back to the city. Had dinner at this awesome diner, 'Liberty'. Nice food especially the soft-shelled crab. My mum couldn't help it, so she made us go to the night market with her. That's all for now then.

It's goodnight for now. Goodnight Bluo!

PS: For my boyfriend, hugs hugs x infinity. =D

Day 1 in Vietnam

Heyya Bluo! I'm in Vietnam currently and its such a culture shock for me. I'm living in the city area so it's REALLY crowded! And you cannot believe the majority of motorcycle they have here. Seriously, the amount of motorcycle here exceeds those of cars or vans. And the way they drive...OMG! I would have probably peed in my pants driving on that road (just to show how scary it is). ^_^ But really..no joke. You can literally hear honks everywhere and the motorcyclist wouldn't even bother. It would have taken me guts riding on one in Vietnam...but then again, I've never rode on a motorbike. hahaha...

At least the hotel rooms are alright. Get to have a goodnight rest then. =D Oh oh! So far, the food here isn't bad at all. In fact, it's really nice especially this place called Pho 2000 or something like that.

Oh well, just got to get used to it. Internet connection here is limited. My boyfriend borrowed me his handphone just so we could chat using wifi. Unfortunately, there ain't no wifi here in this hotel! The only internet connection I'm using is the one with cable and on my dad's comp. Hahaha...I really miss home...and I really miss YOU! You know who you are. Hope you're reading this. =D I can't really message him due to the cost and my credit fall all the way to RM 19. T.T Why?!! Sigh...I'm always wondering what's he doing over there. Probably enjoying yourself and missing me once in a while. Hehe...Remember, I always receive your message and I'll read it which really makes me happy. But if I don't reply, that's not because I don't want to..I really want to but I can't. Limited credit. =( And I can't go on facebook! I don't know why but my dad said they probably banned facebook over here in Vietnam. So yea...That's all about my first day in Vietnam. I'll upload pictures when I can. =D

PS: Really missing you loads!! <3>

Prison of Misery

So, Bluo, I've just made the longest drive back home. I usually drive fast and am eager to get home..but today...well, today's just a whole lot different. I drove slowly on purpose and each time I get closer to home, my speed reduces. It's like I'm afraid to go home...I don't want to go home. It's just not home anymore. My home's...I don't know where it is now. Even when I parked my car outside my house, I didn't dare step out. I just stayed there listening to the music and staring out blankly into the fields of grasses. But then again, I had to go down no matter what.

Bluo, this place...it's a prison of misery. I'm sorry to have to say that. People might think I'm just so ungrateful but the thing is, they don't know what I'm going through all these years. It's tough...Some might think I'm just this happy, smiley-faced girl but no. I'm not like that deep down. It's just a mask that I wear to put on a good impression to others, you know. But behind that mask, it's just something people can't understand. Even if you look into my eyes, you can't possibly understand what I'm going through. Sometimes, I wonder if it's best to just leave...but it's no good either. I have people in there who needs me because they too feels the same way as I. My road's all blocked up with tree trunks and the forests that once been so bright, is now just a dark and cold place.

Bluo, I really don't know what to do. This prison of misery is just filled with...well, sorrow obviously. It has this curse spelled upon this home. You can't hide nor can you ran. You have no where to go....it's like never ending maze with no opening. All I can do now is to just stare out my window from my room and pray that one day, this will all be okay once again.

That's all, Bluo. It's a good thing I get to type to you. Otherwise, I would just bottle it up and burst into pieces of human flesh. LOL! Just joking.

Silent Tears

Do you know what's the hardest thing to do, Bluo? Crying silently without shedding a tear or making a sound. Can you imagine how it would feel like, Bluo? Have you ever felt it...perhaps when you're hurt or when your heart breaks into a million pieces. And all you want to do at that point is to cry but you can't because of some reason.

Bluo, please close your eyes. Black out for a moment. Imagine yourself in the darkness and you hear voices getting closer and closer and they are not pleasant at all. You find your young, still childish eyes witnessing something you never ever wished for. And then beside you, your little brother's there crying in deep pain. All you ever wanted to do was to just cry...to blurt out like him...to cry your heart out...to cry out all those splinters in your heart. But no. You cannot. You just have to hold back and cry silently. Shedding no tear and making no sound. Wallowing up all your tears back into your already fragile heart. Your poor heart might as well burst into a million pieces but yet, you got to keep it together for the sake of the person you love. You show him that you're strong because at this point, he has no one to rely on but you. And at this point, he needs someone to tell him that everything's going to be okay even when you know it may be a lie. At this point, your little brother will need someone to hug him tight so that he knows...that he hasn't lost everything he loved.

Bluo, this is a really touching story my friend told me. She called me up with tears flowing like river from her eyes. And I know that by listening to her voice. It was soft and quivering. She told me she could not speak too loud because she didn't want her brother to know that she's crying. She was holding in back...whispering over the phone and telling me her stories. She told only part of it since she didn't want to recall others. I tried calming her down but I don't think it was too much help. I could only listen to her pouring it out her problems. I guess she felt better then. I really hope everything would go well for her. I know it isn't easy.

Well, Bluo. I can't expose too much. But that's just how it is, isn't it? That's how life goes. At one moment, you may have everything in the world. You may be jolly happy for all you know and not worry about a single thing. But the next moment, all those will just come tumbling down. The walls that once protected you and gave you happiness will just fall upon you. And it's up to you to catch every brick and support it on your shoulders. The worse part is when the weights are added with the people you love. You want them to keep staying protected until they can fend for their own. It's just tough how life is. Always expect the unexpected...

The Book of Life

Bluo, you're a blog. I'm sure you have friends you've visited, right? Have they ever told you their owner's stories? Well, I'm not the sort who goes 'blog walking'. It's only today that I just had the urge to. I went to random blogs...even those of whom I do not know. Most of the blogs I read were practically strangers'.

What surprises me is that there are so many people in this world and they all have their lives. I mean of course (rolls eyes) they have their lives. But well...I've never realized how much things are going on out there. I'm mostly cooped up in my own tiny world. When I read those blogs, I just felt like there's just so much more outside there. There are people out there who seems to be enjoying life but are actually very depressed. It's like wearing a mask in a world so filled with lies until you really get to know that someone. And there are those who are purely happy and content with what they have. Some don't even know that what they have are very precious until the last minute.

The thing is, Bluo, the world's just such an amazing place. Every second, there's always something going on. Someone might be dying out there. Someone might be giving life to a newborn. Someone might have just fallen in love. Can you see what I am trying to say, Bluo? How captivating life can be when you actually think about it deeply. It's like as if an unknown author's writing a HUGE HUGE book...The Book of Life. A book that's telling the tale of a billion people...a billion characters with all sorts of personality, individually. And slowly, when they meet up by coincidence or destiny, the cycle of life forms.

A story of once upon a time has revealed for a very long time...

My Dear Angel

Hello again, Bluo! Missed me? haha...I'm kinda bored right now but I just have this itch to write a poem. It's been a long time since I wrote one. I remember those poems I used to write were all so depressing. Now...I don't know. It's not depressing anymore...maybe some. Most of it are just about love or life. Could it be that one person could change how you feel or that a person just basically changes as times go by? Hmmm...I wonder. Haha...

Here's a poem I thought of.

My Dear Angel
- Carissa L. -

My dear angel
Life here is not but a scary place
Monsters awaits by day
Loneliness awaits by night

Dear angel
I ask nothing more but a globe of light
A light that shines away monsters
A light that defeats away loneliness with love

I ask nothing more but memories
Memories of you
Just so your presence is strong by me
Even when I'm sound asleep

My dear angel
Please stay with me
Until my road ends
For I have a confession I long to tell
'I love you.....angel'

Something Different This Year

Sup Bluo! Sorry I haven't written to you lately. Haven't had any inspiration but today I just had something I needed to share. =)

Well, I was driving home earlier on and I had this sudden flashback about a HUGE christmas tree I saw in Sunway Giza. I call it the Donation Christmas Tree. Hehe...it's basically decorated with orphans' christmas wishes. And then I had this crazy idea about my own christmas present.

Lets see...where should I start. Okay. You see Bluo, I'm really crazy about presents especially when it comes to Christmas. It's the best celebration of the year! Haha...But this year, I thought I should do something different since I have almost everything. I thought of giving other children the opportunity to get something they wished for...the opportunity to feel happy during Christmas Day and the opportunity to feel that others do care for them in this world.

When I was driving, I just felt this sort of sadness when I thought of the orphans who have no family to celebrate with and on top of that, they had no chance of receiving presents like most of us children do. Isn't it sad to know that while you're happily ripping off present papers with your family by your side, there are children out there who are spending their christmas day all alone? Isn't it sad that while you're here believing in Santa Claus and hoping for him to present you with all kinds of cool toys and gadgets...there are children out there, staring out into the night sky and praying to God for a family or someone to love. It's just a sad thing, Bluo.

Back to the Donation Christmas Tree in Sunway Giza, I remembered handpicking one of this orphan. He's a boy...I can't really remember what age. Probably around 12 or so. And guess what's his Christmas wish? He wished only to have a pair of pants. I know it may seem nothing but how many of you out there who actually wished for a pair of pants as your Christmas present? I'm pretty sure that most of you craved for something more like a Barbie doll or err...I don't know..handphones or any cool stuff like that, right? So yea...I've come to a decision of getting myself something too during this Christmas. My Christmas wish this year would be to fulfill at least one orphan's wish..I want to give my opportunity of receiving presents to someone else who hadn't the chance in a long, long time.

Making someone else happy in ways that you can never believe is just so much like a miracle. It's a Christmas Miracle! Sometimes, others happiness, can be your happiness too. Knowing that I will be able to transform a sad face into a happy one...even for a moment, would make my Christmas the most memorable one of all!

Well then, Bluo. Just thought of sharing what I wanted to do this Christmas. Hahaha...MERRY CHRISTMAS!! =D

Sacrifice

Goals...

Rejection...

Confusion...

Ever felt such feelings? Ever felt that you've always wanted to achieve something and that something is just right there waiting for you? Yet, it's a million miles away. Choices are always your obstacles.

Bluo, someone once told me, 'To be the best, you always have to think the best'. Someone I know have been facing some problems. She had this goal to do something different this year. To earn her own life...to not take instructions from others. But then again, obstacles...choices. They'll always stand in the way huh? I guess that's why life is never a bed of roses. You can't just pick up a little fairy and wish for all the things you want. This isn't a fairytale! This is REALITY!!!

Life is all about choices. And some choices you make may take you to the wrong end of the world while others may bring you joy and happiness. Suppose you have a goal to give your every effort into a big company who gives you a good pay and that you have to decide whether to take it or not. What would you do? Would you consider only yourself or the people you love? Would you be so selfish as to neglect the people you love or would you be so useless to give up your goal? Which would you choose then?

Well, my friend chose to be useless. She chose to give up her own goal for the people she love. Whether it is a good or bad decision she made, it's based on different opinions. Every individual has their own thoughts and desire. But her desire in this case was her family. To be with them during her limited time she has over here. To create better memories before she leaves to some other place. And despite her depression of rejecting a good offer to earn big bucks, family comes first. Nothing beats family. They're always our biggest joy and happiness no matter where you are.

They are my home...

Soaring into the World

Helloooo Bluo!!!

It's been so long...Anyways, I heard this song on the radio and I found the lyrics really inspiring. Here it is:



Bluo, you know how it's funny that when I heard this song, I could relate those lyrics with someone's life. Someone I know...someone who's very very...close. She has always been living inside a box. That tiny box cooped up by rules and regulations...not allowing her to break it. It's like they're chains of words that locks her up. Keeps her from the sunshine. And even though she may be living in a comfortable box, it's like a prison of illusions. She used to be a really innocent girl with such innocent mind. But as she grows older, like every other kid out there, she began to feel curious and the need to find who she really is. But how can she do it within her so very small box?

Sometimes, I really wonder if she knows that there's so much more outside her tiny box. That there's a whole bigger life with all kinds of people, both good and bad. And experiences which could make her a wiser person.

Every time she tries to break free, there's just something stopping her. And when I look at her in the mirror, I could just see those sad sad eyes. I could understand how she feels...how she just wish to smell the flowers, to feel the sun upon her skin...to try doing all the impossibles.

In my dreams, she sometimes comes to me, telling me how much she wants to soar. Maybe that's one of the reason why she loves looking out into the sky with birds soaring ever so freely. Perhaps one day, she would be soaring just as those birds were...one day...

Ugly in the Eyes of Someone Close

Dear blog,

Have you ever wondered how much it would hurt if someone close to you doesn't even think that you're pretty enough compared to her other friends? That someone close could always be your mother, grandmother, grandfather or whoever else it is that is very close to you...more like family related close kind.

Well, it just happened to me and it kind of hurt me. It felt like a slash across my heart. *sigh* Okay, here's the story but we shall keep the 'someone' anonymous....maybe name him/her, X. So...we were talking in the car about X's friends, about how pretty they were. And in actual fact, I mean in my opinion, I didn't think they were that pretty as X describes them. I've seen prettier ones like among my friends and all. So I just asked X, why is that X can consider them pretty and yet, X doesn't consider me? X's answered it in a really blunt way which really hurt me. I mean really, I know I'm not that good looking already but this....this really made it all worse. X said that I wasn't pretty...just average.

My point here, blog, is not about being the prettiest or the most beautiful. I'm not like the evil witch in Snow White. I felt hurt because of what X thought of me and it hurt more because X was family-related to me, someone very close to me and I expected him/her to see me as beautiful no matter what. You know how some boyfriends think that their girlfriends are always the most beautiful in their eyes no matter what? Yea...that's the kind of thing I want from a family member. It really doesn't matter what strangers think of you but if it is coming from someone you've been with for your whole life, it's just...well, painful and depressing.

Sometimes, I wonder to myself if I will ever appear pretty in X's eyes. But no matter how much weight I lost or how well I dress myself up, X doesn't seem to ever say that I am pretty. It's always the other side who's better than I am. I'm always the ugly duckling to X. I don't know if I really make any sense here, but I just felt like spilling it out. I cant keep it in my already cracked up heart. I guess...I guess it's always a tough world out there, even in your own family. Sometimes, no matter how hard you tried to please a person, it will never happen. So guess what bloggie, I'm going to please no one but myself from now on. Life is just too short to be someone else. This is me and this will be me forever. Changing myself just to get that one compliment from someone close is not worth it at all. I just got to start loving who I already am and improve to be better. Maybe then one day, that person will start looking back and tell himself/herself how stupid and blind he/she had been.

That's all for now. Goodnight, blog. I should give you a nickname...hmm...Bluo? Erza? I think Bluo sounds good for a blog. hahaha...goodnight then Bluo. Will update asap. =D

Come and Go

My dear blog,
My maid who've been working for my family for 3 years has just left a few days ago. It's rather depressing and it got me thinking for awhile, that this is actually what happens in life. People come and go. Some people are here in your life...and I mean MOST people. Then the next thing you know, poof! They disappear. They're just gone....like as if they were never there in your life. They may be a good friend of yours at one point and when they're leaving to another world, they'll turn into another passer by who just stayed for awhile to linger around you. It hurts really bad at times. I've felt it a few times and it makes it difficult for me to get closer to someone. It's the fear of letting them go at the end that makes it so hard. Don't you just feel like holding on to them? Making them yours forever? Sometimes, I really wish there's an invisible string that could tie them to me...but that would be unfair. They have their own life to live up to. That's how life is I suppose. You're meant to fall and you're meant to rise.

I run and I run and I run
Through the speed I see
Faces of familiarity and such
But the thought of them...it hurts

Goodbyes are usually the end
A single tear shall shed no more
For this is the end
And always the end

As time goes by
Our eyes may once meet again
But will it ever be the same?
That only the future reveals

Westies!!!

Ho ho ho...I've been having this urge to get a puppy lately and I've been doing some research on the types of dogs suitable for me. And voila! I've managed to narrow my choice down to only 1. It is the one and only...*drum rolls*...WEST HIGHLAND TERRIER! woohooo!!! I wish I could have it right beside me now but noooo..I have to wait til I'm living on my own. =.=" Doesn't matter. I shall put it as one of my goal. Got to have one! =D

Here's some picture of it. They're really a cute kind of breed.



They're soooo cute! I just need to cuddle one right now. Westies!!!!

Dreams

It's night. You're tired and all you wish for is a good night's sleep. You close your eyes, hoping that everything will be fine. Now, imagine yourself waking up in the middle of the night after a bad nightmare, finding yourself hyperventilating and you'll start hoping that that dream will never come true. Yea...that's me. I've been waking up with a few similar nightmares and I'd start to get all teary each time. I wonder why can't I get it out of my head. Sometimes, things are just so difficult you can't seem to find a way out for yourself. The only way out I figured is to start trusting that someone and let the one you despise, go. Let him or her out of your memory. Just don't think of them. They're not worth your worries, right? Dreams are just an illusion after all. I really do hope they will never come true.

Close your eyes and listen
In the darkness around you
Fear or pleasure
That you choose, choices

Pictures plays like a film
Sometimes pain
Sometimes gain
Which of which, you can control

Like a maze, a mind is unique
It is a game you shall play
Sing along with no fear at heart
Patience and bravery, the answer to all

Close your eyes and listen
Relax those thoughts
Make dreams just a dream
And reality, reality

Unwanted Feeling

This is me being random. So...here's a poem I wrote when I felt 'something' for this 'somebody' who made me angry and happy at the same time when we see or talk to each other. My knees used to shake a little every time he passes by me or my heart would feel happy seeing him but I'd be cursing at him when he talks to me. HAHAHA! It's kind of a weird feeling but we're actually together now. What a world! =D

It's a feeling that makes me stand
But the touch of it I cannot bear
Though it's the calming waves that carry me to land
But still...follow it I do not dare

It's a feeling I hide so well
For it is foreseen to the eyes of one
But in my heart and soul, the feeling dwells
It swells by the day till dawn is none

Take it away from me if you must
For I do not wish for a feeling as such
And lock it away in an iron chest
For I fear for the one this feeling may touch

Good Morning!

Haa....It's 1am...and I'm still up doing my blog. hahaha...Anyways, I thought of a poem. My first poem in an awesome blog! woohoo! lol...here it is:

Smell the morning breeze
Nothing like the smell of sea
Flowers so sweet and pleasant
Giving life to those poor peasant

How I long to lie among the field of lavenders
For they sway like dancing fairies
Making up a lovely tale of wonder
With two characters of loving bunnies

That is all for now. Good morning and good night! ^_^

Clovers In Life

This blog shows a whole new chapter of my life. Hopefully it turns out alright. Still very lost in this whole blogging thing. hehe....